ماڵه‌وه‌ > ئینگلیزی/ English, بۆ فەرزاد/ For Farzad > Journalist writes letter on Farzad Kamangar’s Death/ Bahram Esmaeilbeigi: “We Are Ashamed

Journalist writes letter on Farzad Kamangar’s Death/ Bahram Esmaeilbeigi: “We Are Ashamed

We are ashamed. We are ashamed because we stood by and watched you leave us. We watched you limp and we didn’t say anything. I am not sure whether it was because we were mesmerized by your kind smile or perhaps it was our feet which didn’t want to walk toward you. I am not sure, but our hands were tied. Maybe you were too tall for us to reach. Whatever it was, we learned lessons of resistance and we experienced shame. Whatever it was, we saw that one can die even standing up.

We are ashamed. We are ashamed because we knew you wouldn’t come back to us and we kept on living! We kept pointing at you, but we never showed our faces.

You became the Christ of our ideals and our silence turned into a noose around your neck. We are ashamed. We are ashamed of the sorrowful face of a woman who kept sowing seeds of hope when you weren’t there, and now that you are gone, she is learning to be patient.

And now, neither your mother’s looks nor your lawyer’s words give us hope anymore. Now, I see your tall figure on Shahoo Mountain and I see your childhood at the bean farms. We now cry from Kamyaran to Kermanshah.

We are too embarrassed to come. Otherwise we would and we would sacrifice our dignity for your grandness. Not that we are too faint of heart to come, we are just too ashamed to look at the walls of your classroom. Silence is not the answer to questions from your students. Our tongues are tied in the backs of our throats. We are so red-faced from embarrassment that our green hope becomes a mockery in front of your perseverance.

Forgive us Farzad. Our hands are tied and our hearts are empty. Just assume that our hearts are not there- hearts that sow politics these days and reap compromises. Just assume that our hands are too tied.

We are the lazy students of perseverance and humanity and you are a teacher for us even when you are hanging from a pole.

Farzad, you are pulling us forward while our legs limp and we keep going in the wrong direction. We are taking the place of trees and fresh air. That is why the polluted air bothered you.

We are ashamed Farzad. We are the indignant people who are all too ashamed.

Bahram Esmaeilbeigi

Translation: Tour Irani | Persian2English.com

شرمنده ايم، شرمنده كه ايستاديم و نظاره كرديم رفتنت را. ديديم لنگيدنت را و دم نزديم. نمي دانم اسير لبخندهاي مهربانت بوديم يا پاي آمدنمان به تو نمي رسيد. نمي دانم دست ما كوتاه بود يا تو خيلي بلند بودي. هرچه بود ايستادگي آموختيم و شرمندگي تجربه كرديم. هرچه بود دیدیم ایستاده هم می توان مرد.

شرمنده ايم، شرمنده كه مي دانستيم خيال آمدنت نيست و هي زندگي مي كرديم! هي اينجا و آنجا نشانت مي كرديم و خودمان را نشان نمي داديم.

مسیح آرمانهایمان شدی و سکوتمان طناب دارت شد. شرمنده ايم، شرمنده صورت غمگين زني كه برای نبودنت امید می کاشت و حالا پای نماندنت صبوري مي كند

حالا ديگر نه نگاه هاي مادرت اميدمان مي دهد نه حرف هاي خليل بهراميان.حالا قامتت را بالاي كوه شاهو مي بينيم و كودكي ات را در مزارع نخود مي خوانيم. حالا كامياران تا كرمانشاه را گريه زمزمه مي كنيم.

روي آمدنمان نيست. وگر نه مي آمديم و بلنداي بالايت شرف قرباني مي كرديم. نه اينكه دلش را نداريم، شرمنده ديوارهاي كلاست هستيم. سكوت جواب بچه هاي مدرسه ات نيست و ما زبانمان ته حلق هايمان گره خورده است. آنقدر سرخي شرمندگي داريم كه سبزي اميدمان تمسخري باشد در برابر پايداريت.

ما را ببخش فرزاد. دستمان بسته و دلمان خالي ست. بگذار پاي نبود دلمان، كه اينروزها سياست مي كارد و مصلحت درو مي كند. بگذار پاي كوتاهي دستمان.

ما شاگردان تنبیل درس انسانیت و استقامتیم و تو بالای دار هم معلمی کردی.

فرزاد، لنگي پايمان را تو مي كشيدي و ما همچنان بيراهه مي رويم. جاي درختان را گرفته ايم و هواي تازه را. براي همين هواي آلوده ملولت مي كرد.

شرمنده ايم فرزاد، ما بي شرف ها شرمنده ايم

بهرام اسماعیل بیگی

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